


The Devil is a Straight Shooter

by tisfan



Series: Deckerstar Drabbles [1]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Accidental shooting, F/M, Lucifer is such a troll, but he's the only one Lucifer has, detective douche is not a good bro, douche
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-27
Updated: 2017-01-27
Packaged: 2018-09-20 08:15:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9482414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tisfan/pseuds/tisfan





	

“I’m fine, Detective Douche,” Lucifer said, standing up again and smoothing the lines of his suit. “Stop fussing, people will think you want to sleep with me.”

Dan took a hasty step backward, which was just insulting. “How are you not bleeding?” Dan, curse him, actually looked concerned. Concerned was mildly amusing, but useless, and knowing Dan, he’d say something to Detective Decker, which would just continue to make things awkward.

Bad enough that Douche had slept with Lucifer’s mum, now he needed to go getting offended about her so-called non-existent honor? Really. Some days, it felt like it would just be worth it to put on his devil-face and let the implications of that drive all thoughts of Charlotte/Mum right out of his tiny human brain.

Thank Dad, Chloe had been far enough away when Dan had shot at him. Bleeding sucked. And it was painful. Whatever it was that made Lucifer vulnerable around her had led to him having holes in more than just his suits. This time, however, he discreetly dropped the flattened bullet into his pocket.

“I’d have to say you’re just not a very good shot,” Lucifer said. “Perhaps you could study some of the Star Wars films when you’re not busy getting in my way. Improve your aim.”

“It’s not like I missed you or anything,” Douche protested. “You fell over from the impact, or are you trying to tell me you tripped? The graceful, wonderful, Lucifer Morningstar tripped over his shoelaces?”

“Why Detective,” Lucifer said, “it’s beginning to sound like you’re unhappy that you didn’t shoot me. I would think, what with you being on probation and all, that you should be grateful that you have poor marksmanship. I should tell Detective Decker that you were trying to murder me, I’m sure she’d be enthralled at the tale --”

“No, no, that’s okay,” Dan said, hastily. “Just… I coulda sworn --”

“Well, you shouldn’t swear,” Lucifer said. “Trixie might hear you and then where would we be? In trouble with mummy again.”

Chloe came ‘round the side of the building, her hair tucked into a strict, tidy little bun, her face screwed up in that expression of ridiculous concentration. She was adorable. Even when she was thinking about a murder. Which was a lot of the time, and did it say something about Lucifer’s taste that he found it incredibly arousing? No, of course not. Dad knew, he found most beautiful things arousing.

“What are you two talking about?”

“Not a thing,” Dan said, glaring at Lucifer.

“Detective Douche’s marksmanship rating,” Lucifer supplied.

“Yeah? Best on the force,” Chloe said, beaming proudly at her ex-husband. Oh, was he, now? How… charming.

“Every man must have one skill, I suppose,” Lucifer said. As they all turned to walk away, he let the flattened bullet slide to the ground and kicked it off to the side of the road. Douche.


End file.
